offbeat season


I haven't figured out why, but my brain does not function normally. I think most people dream of pieces of comfort in their head: house, dog, job...steady things. when i close my eyes and think of that place where i'll be happy in years to come, nothing comes to mind.

i visited my family this weekend. i repeated my travel plans and ideas on my travels several times and even tried to voice my abnormal dreams. earnestly, i searched for words that describe my stance, my nomadic heart. i felt the need to justify my vagabond dreams. i felt like i had to say new york times and big words like advocacy journalism.

the truth is, I just want to experience the world. i want to fuse my story with the stories of others.

my wide-eyed, selfless, loving aunt asked me, "but what is it about Nepal?" and my answer fumbled. i don't think it has anything to do with nepal and everything to do with widening my understanding of life. i get high from the vertigo a new culture inflicts on my horizon of life.

we're not that different, you and I. that feeling that drives you to success, that drives you to read a book, go to a movie, eat favorite foods, make babies, make an advancement on your career ladder - this is the same drive I feel when I suspend my cultural norms to absorb completely new ones. im just trying to figure out how to make a career out of it. (if anyone has any ideas, im interested)

a phase.

i dislike that phrase. if it makes everyone feel better, call it a phase. that's fine. but i'll never stop widening my horizon. i'll do it however i can. through books in a hammock, living out the "normal" life if that happens. i have many goals - many dreams: chef, teacher, anthropologist. im not a photographer, but a person who wants to help who happens to know how to take pictures (sometimes).

one of my favorite authors, Henry Miller, wrote: One’s destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things.