balancing act

"Most people are like a falling leaf that drifts and turns in the air, flutters, and falls to the ground. But a few others are like stars which travel one defined path: no wind reaches them, they have within themselves their guide and path." Siddhartha -Hermann Hesse


<rant> I've been brooding about my future.  My path.  I've been told I'm like a river.  But I see myself with one foot in the flowing water and one on the stagnant land.

True to my gemini nature, I see both sides of every situation and have a hard time taking a position when asked.  Some call us two-faced.  Fickle. Confused. Fickle to others is an apt ability to perceive life's balancing and contradicting act, to equally enjoy the hardest and best parts of life to me.

As a journalist, I am blessed with the adventure of experiencing life as the doctor and the patient; as the family that lost the wife to cancer and the woman who conquered it. I rub elbows with a drug addicted transvestite and later sip coffee with an 83 year old man who built his own house boat from scratch.

I understand that there is wisdom to be gained from all walks of life. Maybe it's this wisdom that makes me feel like I don't fit in anywhere, but everywhere.

I feel this way: I have a path inside me no wind can touch.  My path is chinked with the books, countries, and people I have encountered. My goals change. It won't always be advocacy journalism.  I'd like to be a chef.  A Literature teacher.  A mother.  

Lately, I've been bogged down by the obvious questions. What am I doing here? Where am I going? The answers are always changing.  

That's what I love best about my two-faced life. </rant>